The Allison


header photo

My sister is a problem

Hi Allison,

My sister and I are very competitive and normally that's okay, but I am engaged to a wonderful man and getting married around Christmas. She recently got engaged to a guy none of us like and he is a tool, but I'm certain it's because I'm getting married. The problem is, everything I do, she has to one-up me and it is making my fiance' upset and driving up costs. I don't want to turn this into an all out war because she's also in the wedding party. How should I approach this and let her know I deserve my moment? Katy, Ohio



Hi Katy,

First of all, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. Secondly, you need to mind "your" business and that business is your future husband. This is the time before the wedding to give him the attention, learn to communicate and engage in all things marital prior to walking down the aisle. Your sister is your sister for life and although healthy competition among siblings is normal, it is unhealthy when you are beginning to allow someone (even your sister) to be a larger influence and driving force in your decision making. As a wife, you are his best friend/confidante and lover and you need to take those responsibilities seriously and build a foundation that lets him know that he is your priority. As for your sister, sit her down and tell her that you deserve this moment, it has nothing to do with her and you need her support and love. Remind her that it is the same thing she is going to want and expect from you when it's her turn. It doesn't matter that everyone dislikes her choice, it's her choice and as her sister you will love her and support her decisions as well. Hopefully, with respect, empathy and encouragement, she will take a closer look at her choice of a partner and help to see that this may not be about marriage, but competition and that has no place in love or marriage.  Good luck. Namaste. Allison